Those Advice from My Dad That Helped Me when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to talk among men, who still internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a few days overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."