Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's leading hosts used the evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday jingle about the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."

The subject was the new program which permits foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, with a "platinum" version for five million. The program's website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to wealthy applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval numbers during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.