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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely benign quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {